Writing helps me, and if there’s anything we need right now facing the scariest moments of our lives, it is help.
Unfortunately I do not have the resources or the strength to get through what I have to get through over the next couple of weeks.
Fortunately, God has freely given me what I need. I am utterly helpless, situationally depressed, and anxious. He is my strong tower. I will run to Him over and over every step of this journey.
I am reminded of that phone call with the cardiologist who reviewed our referral file for us over a year ago. I remember watching my strong husband cry with grief over the health issues we would face with our child. I remember my joy and grief intertwining as I recognized in him the love a father has for his child. Pain, loss and grief coexisted with immense amounts of joy and gratitude for the gift of our daughter’s life and the God who had sustained her thus far. We could not wait to be there with her, walking the medical battles she faced alongside her.
Now, we are here. It’s not all joy and bliss to face this battle. The sense of dread and the anticipation has been torturous, even though we only knew about the surgery date a couple of months in advance. I don’t want to subject my innocent child who has already endured enough to this.
I have to hold on to those original moments. When I looked at Kyle and knew he was this baby girl’s dad. When my heart soared with love for a baby I did not yet know and had not yet met but had finally pinpointed. When we realized with awe and praise to God that she had been well cared for, better cared for than we could have imagined. When the cardiologists told us once we were all home that there was a better, though more complex, surgery that she might have an option to receive. And now, we are facing that better surgery; we are here standing at the top of a mountain, celebrating the most wonderful kind of love we’ve ever known, and God is asking us to jump again.
Another leap of faith, and sometimes I don’t think I am going to get through it.
Thankfully, God created Kyle and I uniquely and complimentary, and he is strong when I cradle and vice-versa.
We have a village of people who love us well around us. To our village, you know who you are. You are so very loved and needed, more than we can verbalize or explain. We’ve been poor at listening and serving during the past two months, but we appreciate your grace. Surely in the future we will be decent at it again at some point!
We enter into this thing quietly and with faith. That doesn’t mean that we don’t dread it. I will falter a million times. I will think wrongly, rush to anger out of frustration, and neglect to adequately thank those who hold us up through the worst of it. However, I enter into this knowing that we serve a God who loves us, a God who gave His very own Son for us. I cannot help but think about the cross. We serve a God who promises that He has good plans for us, plans to give us a hope and a future. We trust Him above anything else, the God who placed a miraculous blessing of a little girl into our lives and has since deepened and shaped the love in our little family.
He doesn’t always give us what we want, but He has good plans for us. I will trust in the Lord. He is worthy of my praise today and every day.
What can you pray for?
*Please pray for Willow’s emotional and physical strength before, during and after surgery. Pray she would stay healthy prior to the surgery as well.
*Please pray that the surgeon, Dr. Forbess, will be guided by God, our Creator, Sustainer and Savior.
*Please pray that the doctors will make the very best decisions for Willow’s unique anatomy. They must decide if they will take down her Glenn or not (a surgery she got in Shanghai). They must also decide between the Rastelli procedure (through which she would have a two ventricle heart, more complex) or the Fontan (she would only have a one ventricle heart).
*Please pray for God-given wisdom for her team of professionals.
*Please pray for courage, wisdom and strength for us as her parents as we walk her through this. Pray that she would allow us to comfort her and remain close to her during this trial.
*Please pray Willow would not have too much pain.
*Please pray that no complications would occur and that the surgery would heal her physical heart for a long time.
*Please pray that any complications, if any occur, would be minor and not difficult for her to overcome.
*Please pray for physical healing, for the best case scenario for our baby girl.
*Please pray that this surgery will allow her to have great long-term health and quality of life.
*Please pray that God graciously gives us laughter, joy and the ability to handle the stress. Pray that we are patient.
*Please pray that we would be helpful to Willow and to one another.
*Please pray that we would be a light for Christ, that those we interact with would be pointed to the Lord and experience His love.
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26
“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” Psalm 56:3
Scripture talks constantly about Jesus as the healer. He is a God of miracles. The doctors are always amazed at how well Willow seems for a child with her specific heart defect. We believe and humbly ask Him now to heal Willow’s heart.
Thank you to everyone who says a prayer for our miracle baby!
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