ATTACHMENT-
I could go on and on about how grateful I am that we took our time with attachment and bonding with our daughter. Our family has reaped the benefits and now we've been able to let her interact more typically with the rest of the world. Cocooning was hard at times, but it was more than worth it. She has attached to us beautifully and knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are always there for her. We will be doing things the same way this time, too! We have the benefit of wonderful people in our lives who respect our opinions on how to raise our kids and also respect the research. If I had time, I'd really go into my personal and professional views on this, but...
So, no.
However, we are committed to meeting all of Jonas' basic needs for 6-8 weeks and will then reevaluate to see if more small-family-only time is necessary for him. We are teaching him about what a family is and how to depend on parents. It's big work.
We are very thankful for your understanding when we ask that you not hold him or feed him for a while. It is a critical period in his life (we've missed too much already!), so there is no time to waste. Although it may not make much sense to those unfamiliar with the world of adoption, every single need he expresses we need to meet during this season. His needs haven't been met by us at all yet - like not once, and we are currently strangers to him. So every single time matters a great deal to us as his parents. Every need he expresses we see as a blessed opportunity to connect with him!
Two types of attachment problems that can occur are: indiscriminate attachment (everyone is Mama) or disorganized attachment (unable to let others close). We will be showing him what unconditional love is every day and what close, dependent relationships in an immediate family look like. It's big work to do for all of us, and we sometimes still have to step back when our daughter is overstimulated or feeling insecure to make her world small like that again. After all, they didn't go places as babies and experience the same sensory learning that typical biological children experience. Attachment will always be in the back of our minds as adoptive parents.
If you have questions, just ask! I could talk about these things for hours. Also, I've attached a great article on a blog I respect that tackles this issue very well if you want more information. It's a new way of looking at things, I know. It's a side of adopting that people don't often consider.
Thanks for taking the time to read about our views on this!
http://www.nohandsbutours.com/2015/09/09/cocooning/
No comments:
Post a Comment